The oft repeated advice “choose your friends wisely” cannot be overstated. The kind of friends you keep defines who you are to an extent, or at least impacts on who you become eventually. It may not be easy to actually filter out certain people, and select our friends only from the best of people; or one may want to ask, what if they also want to be friends with better people in which case we would be disqualified?. But before going any further, Let’s understand the effects of actually having certain company over others.
The prophet (salAllaahu alayhi wa sallam) said,
"A good friend and a bad friend are like a perfume-seller and a blacksmith: The perfume-seller might give you some perfume as a gift, or you might buy some from him, or at least you might smell its fragrance. As for the blacksmith, he might singe your clothes, and at the very least you will breathe in the fumes of the furnace."
[Bukhari].
When you are around people who are focused, and conscious of their goal of pleasing their Creator, with hearts filled with faith and actions based on good intentions, you automatically find yourself adopting such traits. You start to see the beauty of having faith and doing righteous deeds, you become motivated. You won’t want to slack because you don’t want to be left behind. Its easy to trust them because you know they wont harm or betray you out of their fear of Allah. You would nurture the virtues of one another and correct one another. They would help you to grow and become better.
But when your friends are those who see wrong as right, those who sin and feel no guilt, Those who do not motivate you to become better but invite you to what would harm you, and those who have no fear of Allaah; then this would surely hold you down. You would start to see wrong as right too. Even the things you are initially uncomfortable with become normal to you, and you no longer feel the guilt or remorse. Your Imaan (faith), starts to decrease, at best you may even start to feel righteous if you do less wrong than they do, and might not bother with improving yourself anymore. All this happens gradually, but they do. And the final consequences are grave.
But what can we do? What if this kind of people are all we have? We grew up with them or we live them; we can’t just get rid of our friends just like that can we?
Well how about start from knowing your own self. Take time to study yourself and your behaviors. how much impact others can make on you. Are you the kind that is prone to doing wrong along with the crowd? Or are you the kind that can call to order when the deeds take the wrong turn? How easily do you slip when you’re around the second set of friends?
If you notice yourself changing very easily and blending in, when you’re with the wrong group, then there are two things you can do.
First is to do yourself a favor and spend less time with them. Find something else to distract you like reading books or joining online beneficial forums. This option may not be the most effective because there are times when you just can’t help being around them, so the second option is best in my view.
The second option to strengthen your conviction. Identify what is important to you, what kind of person you want to be and the kind you don't want to be, your goals; the ultimate which is to please your Lord and get to Jannah. Identify that, and also identify the things you need to do and things you need to avoid in order to have that. Ask yourself how bad do you want this? How important is it to you? How strong is your will to please Him and avoid His punishment? How badly do you want to be successful? Remind yourself each time and let this be your driving force that will steer you to becoming the kind of person that would be firm against all odds, even when you’re the only one holding on; Even when you’re the one out the 99 people who are doing wrong around you.
Let it make you so strong and focused that you begin to steer these people as well, towards seeing that which you see. The potential for success. And let them be inspired by your firmness or at the very least learn to respect that. If you can’t have the best company around you, its not enough excuse to ruin your own self. Perhaps you are meant to be that change, perhaps you can become that good company they would need. Perhaps you can make that difference, and how awesome that would be. Just don’t, no matter what, let anyone steer you away from what you really want to be. Have good company or be good company. Choose wisely.
Stay Blessed, TIW.
The prophet (salAllaahu alayhi wa sallam) said,
"A good friend and a bad friend are like a perfume-seller and a blacksmith: The perfume-seller might give you some perfume as a gift, or you might buy some from him, or at least you might smell its fragrance. As for the blacksmith, he might singe your clothes, and at the very least you will breathe in the fumes of the furnace."
[Bukhari].
When you are around people who are focused, and conscious of their goal of pleasing their Creator, with hearts filled with faith and actions based on good intentions, you automatically find yourself adopting such traits. You start to see the beauty of having faith and doing righteous deeds, you become motivated. You won’t want to slack because you don’t want to be left behind. Its easy to trust them because you know they wont harm or betray you out of their fear of Allah. You would nurture the virtues of one another and correct one another. They would help you to grow and become better.
But when your friends are those who see wrong as right, those who sin and feel no guilt, Those who do not motivate you to become better but invite you to what would harm you, and those who have no fear of Allaah; then this would surely hold you down. You would start to see wrong as right too. Even the things you are initially uncomfortable with become normal to you, and you no longer feel the guilt or remorse. Your Imaan (faith), starts to decrease, at best you may even start to feel righteous if you do less wrong than they do, and might not bother with improving yourself anymore. All this happens gradually, but they do. And the final consequences are grave.
But what can we do? What if this kind of people are all we have? We grew up with them or we live them; we can’t just get rid of our friends just like that can we?
Well how about start from knowing your own self. Take time to study yourself and your behaviors. how much impact others can make on you. Are you the kind that is prone to doing wrong along with the crowd? Or are you the kind that can call to order when the deeds take the wrong turn? How easily do you slip when you’re around the second set of friends?
If you notice yourself changing very easily and blending in, when you’re with the wrong group, then there are two things you can do.
First is to do yourself a favor and spend less time with them. Find something else to distract you like reading books or joining online beneficial forums. This option may not be the most effective because there are times when you just can’t help being around them, so the second option is best in my view.
The second option to strengthen your conviction. Identify what is important to you, what kind of person you want to be and the kind you don't want to be, your goals; the ultimate which is to please your Lord and get to Jannah. Identify that, and also identify the things you need to do and things you need to avoid in order to have that. Ask yourself how bad do you want this? How important is it to you? How strong is your will to please Him and avoid His punishment? How badly do you want to be successful? Remind yourself each time and let this be your driving force that will steer you to becoming the kind of person that would be firm against all odds, even when you’re the only one holding on; Even when you’re the one out the 99 people who are doing wrong around you.
Let it make you so strong and focused that you begin to steer these people as well, towards seeing that which you see. The potential for success. And let them be inspired by your firmness or at the very least learn to respect that. If you can’t have the best company around you, its not enough excuse to ruin your own self. Perhaps you are meant to be that change, perhaps you can become that good company they would need. Perhaps you can make that difference, and how awesome that would be. Just don’t, no matter what, let anyone steer you away from what you really want to be. Have good company or be good company. Choose wisely.
Stay Blessed, TIW.