“Ideal Woman”. When that term is used, I can’t help but take a step back, for in my heart and soul I question the right I have to ever think myself capable of slipping on that woman’s big shoes…even though I myself have pretty large feet :P.
At first glance that term is mighty intimidating for people like me. For those who live each day in constant struggle trying desperately to do the right thing in every situation. For those of us waking up each day and letting out a silent prayer “ya Allah help me be good today”. Ideal as an adjective, in the English dictionary is defined as; Perfect, something most suitable and as a noun as something existing only in your imagination as an idea…not likely to be real. Neither of these definitions really sounds so encouraging, at one end of the spectrum we know that we will never be perfect for perfection is a trait of Allah SWT alone. Yet on the other end… existing as a figment of our imaginations isn’t very appealing either, I mean I feel pretty real and I want to be that ideal woman who has it all together.
So is the ideal woman really someone who does not exist? Is she someone who lives in the hearts of naïve sisters like me? Is she someone who is told to dream of being but accepts never to exist? Is she someone faultless, flawless, perfect, immaculate, pristine, praiseworthy and seemingly unreal in her awesomeness? Is the ideal women really someone who can only be that…an ideal and not a reality?
I refuse to believe that the ideal woman is only a figment of our thoughts. I refuse to accept that she lives only in our dreams, I refuse to concede that she will never truly be or that she is someone who we are incapable of becoming. The term ideal may be defined as something unattainable but it is up to us to give it a new definition in our lives.
When I think of the ideal me, Ma shaa Allah she is amazing. When I sometimes close my eyes and allow myself to imagine stepping up into those intimidating shoes and living up to my promise of excellent striving, the version of me that springs up takes my breath away. Her face is full of luminance, she speaks soft words of kindness, she is generous, she is honest in all circumstances, she is devoted to her Lord above all else, she puts the needs of others before herself, she is selfless, honourable, inviting, she always has a serene smile upon her face, she is gentle to all around her, when people see her coming they rush to greet her because she inspires love wherever she goes, she spreads the salaam to all on her path. In her generosity she is like the sun, and in her tolerance like the night to cover the sins and transgressions of others. She is giving like the oceans and the seas and as welcomed as the fertile rain clouds. I have a dreamy smile upon my face as I dream of being such a blissful creature fill of such grace. She is the ideal me. She is the type of person I long to be and more. Yes she sounds too amazing is it not? She sounds perfect something that is not ours to be. But when I think of that ideal woman that exists in my heart, I make allowances for all the mistakes and struggles that she will go through and make. You see she apologizes when she oversteps the rights of others, she is not afraid to be the first one to extend a hand in friendship, she is calm in her anger, she rectifies the mistakes she makes as soon as she realises them. She has bad days but she makes sure when she trips she always regains her footing. She gives her heart out to love and is not afraid of it breaking and when it is broken she forgives and gathers the pieces to her Lord for remaking. She complains of her sadness only to Allah, she seeks provision only from Ar-Razaq. She limits her speech and when she says an evil word or an evil thought crosses her mind... She is quick to seek refuge in her Lord and repent. She’s not so impossible anymore is she? Now she sounds more human.
We make the mistake of thinking and believing because of preconceived notions that the ideal woman will never do wrong. That she will always be in control of everything and on top of it all, that she will never break, that she is like a machine in her autocracy, she is in complete control of her actions and never ever slips up. That she does no harm to others, that she is incapable of making mistakes and that is where the thin line between reality and dreams is drawn. The ideal woman is born in the space between those two opposites. She has the beautiful qualities of the saints that we all love to attain but she also has the mistakes and flaws of the mundane.
She wears different skins, she takes different shapes, she fills different dress sizes and shoe sizes and wears her hair loose and in braids and in twists and in hijabs and in scarves. She lives in Asia, Europe, America, Africa, Antarctica, Middle east, she lives everywhere. Most importantly though she resides in all of us. She is all of us. She lives in our hearts and was created as a version of us that if we dared to believe we could become, we would be. I do not believe that reaching such a status is unrealistic or impossible, women before us have striven and succeeded in ridding themselves of the evil and unveiling the ideal woman that lives within them. They have illuminated the darkness that hid her in the shadows of their hearts through patience and prayer and hard work and they have made it to the promised home in excellence, and we are women just like they were. We may never reach the status of the greatest of them; Fatima bint Muhammad RA, Khadija bint Khuwaylid RA, Maryam bint Imran AS and Asiyah the wife of Pharoah AS but we have an excellent example and hope in them. They were women…just like us with the same number of hours in a day, born sinless just like we were, the difference being they knew what they wanted and they went for it. They knew and understood that idealism could not only exist in dreams, that reality cannot be built of mere longing alone, that we cannot build castles on air and that hopes must be actualized in this realm of tangibility and not on cloud nine. They strove because they loved their Lord with great Love and battled themselves to the point of reaching such a high status with Ar- Rahman. I think we all agree that they were not free of desires and wants and hardship…in fact the hardship undergone by a single one of them could not be borne by us as a collective whole with the patience they endured. They were ideal women definitely. And so also can we be.
You know sometimes I feel a little crazy because I don’t feel like I walk on my own, shes always there a few steps ahead of me, this woman I so desperately long to be. Just as something happens and I have to react I think and watch what she would do and I behave just a little differently each time, each time coming closer to what that ideal me would do.
She is a projection of the beauty that cannot be tarnished with the ugliness of our sins. She is the personification of Allah’s mercy of covering a believer’s sin. For I believe who we are perceived as can only be loved because Allah in His infinite Mercy shields the eye s of others from the true depth of the taint of sin that we have engaged in.
She is who we strive to be and somewhere between the struggle and the hope we become her without even realizing it. We become someone else’s ideal woman, though we ourselves never even dare believe we are close to who we want to be. Its pretty beautiful if you think about it, a never ending challenge, an avenue to always score extra points and exponential rewards, the true success only seen if we are blessed enough to reach the Jannah, our true home. So we always struggle and scale the various new walls that keep springing up because in our hope and excitement of overcoming ourselves we become more beautiful and are filled with light till we become beacons of hope on the paths of others joining us on the jihad to Jannah.
“You are the best people raised for the good of mankind; you enjoin good and forbid evil and believe in ALLAH. And if the People of the Book had believed, it would have, surely, been better for them. Some of them are believers, but most of them are transgressors." Q3:110
“The most excellent type of Jihad is to practice jihad against your own self and own desires for the sake of Allah.” {Reported by Imam At-Tirmithi who said this is a good and sound Hadith.}
So in all simplicity the ideal woman would be one who strives to become ideal. We all have it within us to let that beauty shine. Let’s set her free…the world is but our stage ladies.
Written by; Fatima Modibbo
At first glance that term is mighty intimidating for people like me. For those who live each day in constant struggle trying desperately to do the right thing in every situation. For those of us waking up each day and letting out a silent prayer “ya Allah help me be good today”. Ideal as an adjective, in the English dictionary is defined as; Perfect, something most suitable and as a noun as something existing only in your imagination as an idea…not likely to be real. Neither of these definitions really sounds so encouraging, at one end of the spectrum we know that we will never be perfect for perfection is a trait of Allah SWT alone. Yet on the other end… existing as a figment of our imaginations isn’t very appealing either, I mean I feel pretty real and I want to be that ideal woman who has it all together.
So is the ideal woman really someone who does not exist? Is she someone who lives in the hearts of naïve sisters like me? Is she someone who is told to dream of being but accepts never to exist? Is she someone faultless, flawless, perfect, immaculate, pristine, praiseworthy and seemingly unreal in her awesomeness? Is the ideal women really someone who can only be that…an ideal and not a reality?
I refuse to believe that the ideal woman is only a figment of our thoughts. I refuse to accept that she lives only in our dreams, I refuse to concede that she will never truly be or that she is someone who we are incapable of becoming. The term ideal may be defined as something unattainable but it is up to us to give it a new definition in our lives.
When I think of the ideal me, Ma shaa Allah she is amazing. When I sometimes close my eyes and allow myself to imagine stepping up into those intimidating shoes and living up to my promise of excellent striving, the version of me that springs up takes my breath away. Her face is full of luminance, she speaks soft words of kindness, she is generous, she is honest in all circumstances, she is devoted to her Lord above all else, she puts the needs of others before herself, she is selfless, honourable, inviting, she always has a serene smile upon her face, she is gentle to all around her, when people see her coming they rush to greet her because she inspires love wherever she goes, she spreads the salaam to all on her path. In her generosity she is like the sun, and in her tolerance like the night to cover the sins and transgressions of others. She is giving like the oceans and the seas and as welcomed as the fertile rain clouds. I have a dreamy smile upon my face as I dream of being such a blissful creature fill of such grace. She is the ideal me. She is the type of person I long to be and more. Yes she sounds too amazing is it not? She sounds perfect something that is not ours to be. But when I think of that ideal woman that exists in my heart, I make allowances for all the mistakes and struggles that she will go through and make. You see she apologizes when she oversteps the rights of others, she is not afraid to be the first one to extend a hand in friendship, she is calm in her anger, she rectifies the mistakes she makes as soon as she realises them. She has bad days but she makes sure when she trips she always regains her footing. She gives her heart out to love and is not afraid of it breaking and when it is broken she forgives and gathers the pieces to her Lord for remaking. She complains of her sadness only to Allah, she seeks provision only from Ar-Razaq. She limits her speech and when she says an evil word or an evil thought crosses her mind... She is quick to seek refuge in her Lord and repent. She’s not so impossible anymore is she? Now she sounds more human.
We make the mistake of thinking and believing because of preconceived notions that the ideal woman will never do wrong. That she will always be in control of everything and on top of it all, that she will never break, that she is like a machine in her autocracy, she is in complete control of her actions and never ever slips up. That she does no harm to others, that she is incapable of making mistakes and that is where the thin line between reality and dreams is drawn. The ideal woman is born in the space between those two opposites. She has the beautiful qualities of the saints that we all love to attain but she also has the mistakes and flaws of the mundane.
She wears different skins, she takes different shapes, she fills different dress sizes and shoe sizes and wears her hair loose and in braids and in twists and in hijabs and in scarves. She lives in Asia, Europe, America, Africa, Antarctica, Middle east, she lives everywhere. Most importantly though she resides in all of us. She is all of us. She lives in our hearts and was created as a version of us that if we dared to believe we could become, we would be. I do not believe that reaching such a status is unrealistic or impossible, women before us have striven and succeeded in ridding themselves of the evil and unveiling the ideal woman that lives within them. They have illuminated the darkness that hid her in the shadows of their hearts through patience and prayer and hard work and they have made it to the promised home in excellence, and we are women just like they were. We may never reach the status of the greatest of them; Fatima bint Muhammad RA, Khadija bint Khuwaylid RA, Maryam bint Imran AS and Asiyah the wife of Pharoah AS but we have an excellent example and hope in them. They were women…just like us with the same number of hours in a day, born sinless just like we were, the difference being they knew what they wanted and they went for it. They knew and understood that idealism could not only exist in dreams, that reality cannot be built of mere longing alone, that we cannot build castles on air and that hopes must be actualized in this realm of tangibility and not on cloud nine. They strove because they loved their Lord with great Love and battled themselves to the point of reaching such a high status with Ar- Rahman. I think we all agree that they were not free of desires and wants and hardship…in fact the hardship undergone by a single one of them could not be borne by us as a collective whole with the patience they endured. They were ideal women definitely. And so also can we be.
You know sometimes I feel a little crazy because I don’t feel like I walk on my own, shes always there a few steps ahead of me, this woman I so desperately long to be. Just as something happens and I have to react I think and watch what she would do and I behave just a little differently each time, each time coming closer to what that ideal me would do.
She is a projection of the beauty that cannot be tarnished with the ugliness of our sins. She is the personification of Allah’s mercy of covering a believer’s sin. For I believe who we are perceived as can only be loved because Allah in His infinite Mercy shields the eye s of others from the true depth of the taint of sin that we have engaged in.
She is who we strive to be and somewhere between the struggle and the hope we become her without even realizing it. We become someone else’s ideal woman, though we ourselves never even dare believe we are close to who we want to be. Its pretty beautiful if you think about it, a never ending challenge, an avenue to always score extra points and exponential rewards, the true success only seen if we are blessed enough to reach the Jannah, our true home. So we always struggle and scale the various new walls that keep springing up because in our hope and excitement of overcoming ourselves we become more beautiful and are filled with light till we become beacons of hope on the paths of others joining us on the jihad to Jannah.
“You are the best people raised for the good of mankind; you enjoin good and forbid evil and believe in ALLAH. And if the People of the Book had believed, it would have, surely, been better for them. Some of them are believers, but most of them are transgressors." Q3:110
“The most excellent type of Jihad is to practice jihad against your own self and own desires for the sake of Allah.” {Reported by Imam At-Tirmithi who said this is a good and sound Hadith.}
So in all simplicity the ideal woman would be one who strives to become ideal. We all have it within us to let that beauty shine. Let’s set her free…the world is but our stage ladies.
Written by; Fatima Modibbo